Did you ever look at somebody and think, “Wow, they have it all.” The best house, car, partner, job or living their best life? I know you have because I think it is human nature. Otherwise, we would not have come up with the phrase “The grass is always greener on the other side.” I think very few people are actually reaching the top of Maslow’s pyramid, self-actualization. At the base of the pyramid, people are simply trying to survive, meeting basic needs like food, water, and shelter. If they’re able to move beyond that, they face the next levels: safety, love and belonging, and esteem. And only after working through all of those layers do they have the chance to reach that highest level, self-actualization, where you’re living with purpose, fulfillment, and a true sense of self.

 We confuse self-actualization with aesthetics. The more you have, the more you must be living your true self because you have accomplished the ultimate win of having the best life has to offer. We are intimidated by those around us that have more than we do and start to think what we have is not good enough. We need the brand names to be worthy.  Somewhere along the way, accomplishment became accumulation. No wonder so many people are struggling with their sense of self, we’re chasing validation instead of authenticity.

We live in a world where perception often outweighs reality. People size you up quickly, not by your character, your kindness, or your purpose but by what you’re wearing or the car you drive. Judgment is sneaky. It rarely announces itself outright. It shows up in comments that sound like curiosity, in glances that linger a second too long, in silence where there should’ve been support. But here’s the truth: greener grass gets weeds too.

Life is a journey, and no one gets out unscathed. Because problems aren’t a glitch in the system, they are the system. Even those that appear to be the happiest, wealthiest, most polished person carries something: a wound, a worry, a regret, a challenge. Everyone carries them like a shard of glass and when touched upon it causes pain. It doesn’t matter if it happened yesterday or a lifetime ago.

When I taught a class on Culture in Health Care, I would show a National Geographic’s documentary to my students. It followed a family from the United States as they traveled to Kenya to live with a nomadic tribe for two weeks.  They were to stay with a nomadic tribe for two weeks to share each other’s cultures.  It was a true culture shock for the family but in the end, they learned to appreciate all the things we take for granted like running water. One scene has stayed with me ever since. As a gesture of goodwill, the family brought a chess set to share with the children of the village. The children unwrapped the gift and ran around in delight. They were not amused by the chess set but played happily with the plastic bag it came in. The bag floated in the breeze, and they chased it and laughed. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, or life is what you make it.

It was then I realized that life itself is an optical illusion. What we perceive is often nothing more than the stories we tell ourselves, our personal interpretations of reality. We move through life tangled in the illusions of others, each of us projecting, perceiving, and making judgments of others through our observations shaped by experience, fear, hope, and bias. We are seen by others through lenses of their own. The world around you will perceive you in the way it wants to perceive you. It knows nothing about you but will fill the void of the unknown with its own perspective.

We are judged, and often judge others, based on these illusions: assumptions, appearances, and incomplete stories. So, if you ever find yourself feeling lost, like you don’t have it all together, or feel less than because of what you think is missing in your life, and strangers that do not know you make incorrect assumptions, remember this:

It doesn’t matter.

What truly matters is how you choose to see others and yourself, beyond the illusion. Everyone has a story that got them where they are today. Most of us only show the shiny parts of us, but if you pay attention and listen closely, you will pick up the hint of imperfection in a perfect life. Because being human means living with imperfection. Top of Form

Those that are willing to share their true self without fear of judgment are those that have found self-actualization because they feel fulfilled and at peace with who they are. It doesn’t matter how the world sees them because they do not care how others fill the gaps with their own perceptions, which cannot be controlled no matter how much you try.

It’s easy to feel sorry for those whose struggles are visible, like the homeless person on the corner holding a sign. But what if we reminded ourselves that everyone carries a broken piece, even if we can’t see it? Would we treat each other with more consideration? Bottom of Form

Here is some advice: the next time you meet someone and feel small because they seem larger than life or you feel big because they appear less than. Remember, life is an optical illusion that we create for ourselves as well as for others. Stay true to who you want to be and help others stay true to themselves. The key to overcoming judgment is letting go of the need for outside approval. You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone committed to misunderstanding you.

Real peace comes when you choose to be defined by your values, not their opinions.
When you say, “This is who I am, and I’m good with that.”

If you cannot see the beauty of your own soul, you will suffocate in your own beliefs, basing your worth on the optical illusion you created for yourself. It is those that do not measure their existence by what is perceived, but what they have to offer that drives them to their highest peak of their pyramid.

Just remember this: You create your own optical illusion of your reality and project out the negative you think you are receiving. No one can make you feel less but you. When you see greener grass on the other side go inside because that is were your true green grass will grow.

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Patricia A Woods