What has changed in our world to get us to a place where anger is a daily emotion that even may surpass any other daily emotion? As I observe the world around me and reflect internally, I can’t help but ask this question. I first became aware of my daily anger while I was commuting to work on the Jersey Turnpike, where road rage felt like a constant companion. Have people always driven this erratically or am I just getting old? Well, I refuse to believe it’s the Latter! Then I started seeing hate filled comments on almost anything posted on social media, even in a prayer group. Not even the best intention of prayer is safe from negativity. So where is all this anger coming from and more importantly, how do we break free from it?

We conditioned ourselves into this state. Before I get into the science of how this happens, I will go back to the road rage example. As I see a car speeding up behind and getting so close I feel threatened, my body immediately shifts into the flight or fight response. I feel the adrenaline and hormones surging through my body, triggering a physical response to this experience. On my daily commute through what I call the “road from hell” better known as the Jersey Turnpike, this experience happens on a daily basis. I am in a daily constant state of stress.  The fight-or-flight response was meant to protect us from immediate danger and then quickly reset, just like animals do. Instead, that fear lingers, turning into anger. And now, I’m ready to fight back. This cycle of stress and frustration has conditioned me into road rage, an emotion that isn’t just exhausting, but quite literally harming my health.

When the body remains in a constant state of stress, it starts to break down, physically, mentally, and emotionally. The fight-or-flight response was never meant to be a permanent state; it’s like an emergency alarm that should turn off once the danger has passed. But when stress becomes a daily occurrence, that alarm never stops ringing. Over time, this leads to chronic inflammation, high blood pressure, anxiety, and even a weakened immune system. It’s like leaving your car engine revving in high gear all day long. At first, it can handle the strain, but eventually, it overheats, the parts wear down, and sooner or later, the engine fails. Our bodies work the same way, constant stress burns us out, leaving us exhausted, reactive, and unhealthy. The question is, how do we shift gears before we break down completely?

The first step in fixing a problem is to realize you have one. In my road rage I took that anger to a new level. I was not only yelling at other drivers, I started becoming a dumb ass aggressive driver myself. I found myself speeding up to block people from passing or slowing down just to annoy them. But then it hit me, I couldn’t sustain this every day.  If I truly believe that putting negative into the world only fuels more negativity, and my goal is to spread positive out into the ether, this was not helping. So, I made a change. When someone came rushing up behind me, I took a deep breath and recognized what I was feeling. Instead of assuming they were just reckless, I imagined they might be dealing with a family emergency, desperately trying to get somewhere. It wasn’t personal. The truth is, we never know what’s happening in someone else’s car, or their life. So, I stopped fighting and just let them go. And in doing so, I stopped having the negative experience altogether. I was better off for it. They’ll be out of your life in seconds, so why let them have power over your emotions which affect your health. That doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally chuckle at the thought of them getting pulled over, I’m still human, after all.

The other area that I see so much anger in is social media. This one scares me the most because the internet is so vast and if we as a collective consciousness spew out more hate than love we will implode. You do not have to do a deep dive into any particular site to find negative comments. It can be your local community site that you used to go to for recommendations to a restaurant, sites that are trying their best to put out positive messages, and yes even on a prayer group. Are these real people? Are they truly my neighbor that I smile and wave to everyday? I think it is. Have we not all been there or at least really wanted to respond back with a snarky comment?

 I am a retired nurse that believes my purpose is to serve and educate. I guess that is why I became a nurse and also love teaching. I am also a human being that has feelings as well as flaws. I wrote a book for kids years ago and my husband helped get it on amazon. I do this because I believe in the positive messages in the book. Kids would also need to be able to spell to use the “Op language”. I created a website and started these blogs. All with the intent to make someone that reads it feel better not worse. On one of my blogs someone needed to point out that I am trying to make a fast buck because I failed to do so in college. What about my situation was making this person so angry? Why would they care if I was a retired nurse and made a little extra cash? I also donate a portion of any sale to charity, Children, Pets and Vets

We live in a digital age which is morphing the way we think, interact and react. Not only do we have access to a world of people at our fingertips, but we also have algorithms deciding what content might suit us or make us angry because angry grabs attention. We need to ask ourselves: Do we really want an algorithm giving us high blood pressure and stealing our peace? Is arguing over how a prayer group should function really worth sacrificing our mental well-being? At the end of the day, does insulting someone online ever truly change their mind, or does it just leave us feeling frustrated and exhausted, stuck in a cycle of reactive anger that does more harm to us than anyone else?

We cannot change another person’s reality, and this becomes clear when we consider perception. Take my brother, for example, he’s colorblind. When he looks at a house, he sees it as gray, while I, along with everyone else who isn’t colorblind, see it as green. Should I call him an idiot for describing what he genuinely perceives? He’s interpreting the world through his own lens, just as I am through mine. He could find other colorblind individuals who also see gray and together they could call me the idiot, even though I can’t change what I see any more than he can. In some cases, healthy debate and open discussion can lead to better understanding, but when we encounter situations where two people are simply living in different realities, whether due to perception, experience, or belief, what is the best way forward? Do we keep fighting for control over how someone else sees the world, or do we learn to coexist with differing perspectives without turning every disagreement into a battle?

We can break this cycle by choosing how we engage, pausing before reacting.  Instead of feeding the fire, we can be a calming presence in the storm, encouraging a healthier space for ourselves and others. I once posted on a local neighborhood site asking why the site is no longer about recommendations and full of politics. I did get likes but I did get negative comments. I didn’t mean to rile up the masses, I was just looking for someone to install my awning. I didn’t post it from a place of anger, so I was able to calmly answer each one. I started each response with a sincere apology and making it clear my intention was never to cause them any ill will. I spent the day having discussions with people and to my surprise, each conversation ended on a positive note. At the end of the day the administration decided to take down the site and return with a friendlier 2.0 that would not allow these hateful discussions. I inadvertently made a positive change by having a positive reaction to the negatives.

On one of my birthdays where people post well wishes some “friend” called me a blond bimbo. Why? Because I posted a picture of the surprise party my husband threw (I turned 30×2). When someone dismissed me as a “blonde bimbo,” I chose not to take the bait. Instead, I replied, “Sending you light and love,” because I took a moment to consider what might be driving his hostility. Maybe he was lonely, heartbroken, or struggling through a difficult time. By choosing to look at this situation in a different light, I reclaimed my own peace and, in a small way, shifted the energy of the space around me

 Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have moments of anger where I want to yell at the opposing team. Breaking out of the reactive state we’ve become so accustomed to takes practice, and I’m still working on it. But at some point, if we all continue walking around angry at each other, it’s going to shape the world we live in and probably for the worse. I truly believe we are better than that. I believe we all want more, not just for ourselves, but for future generations. And this is where the real challenge of change lies, not in silencing our emotions, but in choosing how we respond to them in a way that creates a better world, not a more divided one.

Did you know that you can get addicted to anger? That is what I think is happening to us because we have become desensitized to being angry or even sometimes mean to people. The anonymity of social media gives us a space to “vent” our frustrations on a daily basis.

How does our brain get addicted to anger?

The Brain’s Reward System and Anger

• Anger activates the brain’s reward system, particularly the dopamine pathway, which is also involved in addiction.
• When we get angry, the brain releases adrenaline and dopamine, creating a feeling of power, control, or even pleasure.
• If anger provides a temporary sense of relief or satisfaction (like winning an argument), the brain learns to seek it out again similarly to how it craves a drug or a thrill-seeking behavior.

2. The Cycle of Anger Addiction

• Trigger – Something provokes frustration, injustice, or perceived threat.
• Emotional Response – The amygdala activates the stress response, releasing adrenaline and cortisol.
• Rush of Energy – This surge of chemicals feels stimulating or even rewarding.
• Justification & Reinforcement – If anger leads to a desired outcome (e.g., feeling dominant, proving a point), the brain remembers it as a successful strategy.
• Repetition & Habit Formation – Over time, anger becomes a go-to emotional state, reinforced by neural pathways.

3. Why Some People Get “Hooked” on Anger

• Repeated Exposure: The more often someone gets angry, the more the brain strengthens anger-related neural pathways, making anger a default reaction.
• Sense of Power: Anger can create a feeling of control, especially for those who feel powerless in other areas of life.
• Social Reinforcement: If anger is rewarded (e.g., getting what you want by shouting), it becomes a learned behavior.
• Underlying Issues: Chronic anger can stem from unresolved trauma, stress, or depression, making it a self-soothing mechanism.

If you are tired of living in this constant state of stress, make a decision to stop it. You can rewire your way of thinking to step away from anger and lean into a better feeling like compassion. Just like when you regularly walk the same way in the woods you can see the formation of a path. Your brain strengthens the neural pathways associated with that response, making anger a more automatic reaction to triggers. This process is called neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself based on repeated experiences.

Did you ever get to the point that before you even read something or see someone you are getting a visceral response in your body. The feelings are bubbling up before you had the experience. The good news is if you make the decision to change your old way of responding you can create a new pathway. Just as anger can rewire the brain in a negative way, you can rewire it for calmness and emotional control by interrupting the anger cycle, pause before reacting and take deep breaths.  Shift your perspective before anger escalates and start building new neural pathways.

The more we expose ourselves to news, social media, and conversations that trigger anger, the more we bathe in the very chemicals our brains have come to rely on. And as long as we keep feeding that cycle, we will continue to live in an angry world. But it’s time for a change. My worldview hasn’t changed, and I still wholeheartedly disagree with others at times, but what I’ve chosen to change is how I react. I refuse to let my path be one of the unproductive angers that destroy my well-being. Instead, I will seek to create a path of compassion, recognizing that others, just like me, are navigating their own struggles, even if our views couldn’t be more different.

Wouldn’t you rather live in a world that is collectively compassionate instead of collectively angry? I know I would. And while I can’t change the whole world, I can change how I contribute to it. I will not let anger rule my path. Instead, I choose understanding, empathy, and compassion, even when I disagree. Because real change starts within us.

Patricia A Woods: PAW talks angry observations

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Mission

My mission is to empower individuals through inspiration, motivation, and education, by sharing my life’s experiences and cultivated resources, to embrace all challenges – whether perceived as positive or negative – as gifts from the universe to strengthen their resilience. To ignite a mindset of opportunity, optimism, and hope, helping others recognize that every obstacle and difficulty they encounter holds the prospect for change and personal transformation. To encourage a determination to navigate life’s journey with courage, viewing each challenge as a path to emerge stronger, wiser, and more capable of creating a positive life abundant with meaning and hope.